Overwhelmed to overcome

This morning our son witnessed the horror of his parents calling their marriage quits.

As I replay this in my mind I keep hearing my negative words, abusive language, and terrifying tone of voice. No person should endure such behavior.

I could make up so many excuses why it is alright that this happened. I can justify why I told my husband to leave. None of it matters. The elephant in the room of betrayal couldn’t keep quiet. It couldn’t act like it never happened. The elephant need to be seen and spoken about.

As I navigate therapy and daily events in our home the lurking of maybe today will be the day he will leave is a very daunting feeling. It screams at me in the dark places of my mind and tells me I can never be good enough for a man that I chose to have a child with. All of these things bring up a zillion and one thoughts of just how not enough I am.

My heart is broken. My confidence shattered. I want to escape all the pain but where do I go? Where is a hiding place for me to figure out all these emotions and all the things that keep weighing me down.

How do I begin to believe that a once loving and attentive husband can be that again now that he has grown cold and neglectful?

I ask these questions. I pray all the prayers. I am doing the work and still feel like my self confidence and esteem has been shattered. I don’t know how to come back from this. The pain is extremely deep. There are things that have been placed inside of me since my childhood that makes these moments steal every ounce of who I am.

I held my sons hand and prayed. I prayed for a husband that has never prayed for me. I prayed for a forgiving and loving heart toward someone that doesn’t respect or honor me. I cried with my son and apologized for where our life has gotten to. I cried for the pain I caused him for hearing me tell his dad to leave.

God I know you are out there I know you don’t give us more than we can handle so I am crying out. I am crying out for your sovereign hand to touch my marriage and guide it like only you can.

Published by Krys Grant-Ray

Hello, my name is Krys Grant-Ray and I am a Christian Transformational Life Coach. Yes, that is a mouth full, isn't it? I have used my coaching training and my relationship with God to switch focus from changing a thought or action to true transformation. My focus is helping you find the optimum space for authentic transformation from the inside out. Put a magnifying glass up to the mundane cycle of your life that you sucked out passion while you seek out what you want. Rediscover who you really are and what you were put on this earth to do. Let go of the daily grind we all get stuck in. I continually challenge you to think outside of the box you were taught in. Together we seek a better way to become the best version of who you are. I do this through an 8- step process of shifting focus, investing in what you believe in, building a foundation that supports consistent positive growth. Finally, you will learn how to grow in the restful periods of life and then know when to move on to the next step. This transformational process gets you out of comfort zone and into your thriving zone. It is a wonderful and creative place that you need to visit daily. Together you and I will map out your thoughts in a way that works specifically for you. Let’s open your world to clear and vivid images that you can put into words. From those words you will find authentic self-expression; ultimately discovering your uniqueness and experience geniune truth and beauty.

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