Help!

I am a person that can loose my temper in .0005 seconds.

😡🤬😡

I know I am a Christian so I should be able to be an even tempered well adjusted to life human being. I just honestly don’t know how to be. Everyone has their cross to carry and emotional and mental health are mine.

🤯😳😭

Daily I have to say my prayers before my feet hit the floor. I sometimes have to pray after they hit the floor and most of the time I have to pray all the time. I struggle a lot… it’s painful to admit. My anger and temper has made me loose jobs, friends, and even extremely close relationships.

🤔🤭🤫

I was raised that you don’t talk about ‘the things’ keep them to yourself. We all have ‘the things’ they are what cause difficulty and misunderstandings so they get pushed under the rug. Unfortunately, for those around me ‘my things’ are tired of being under the rug.

🙄😬😯

As I navigate my anger issues I realize there is this hurts little girl that never got to say ‘the things’ that would set her free. I see her in the corner trying to figure out so many different emotions she never sees others have. She struggles to be understood but it just never happens. She isn’t fitting in as a normal child ultimately suffering from low self esteem.

👿😈👿

Rejection, shame, resentment, guilt, and lack of self esteem are just a few hurdles to overcome. With it comes the faithful comfort zone of anger and a quick harsh word to someone so I didn’t have to hurt as much. The armor I wear so that I don’t let anyone close enough to see the battle scars or the wounds.

👀👂🏾👣🙏🏾

I prayed and I prayed. I continue to pray, and I pray and I pray. I thought God forgot about me because the anger won’t go away.

I sit in quiet places to hear God, I read my bible to learn His character, and I serve in the community to make my life not about me.

The truth is I also needed therapy for many years and this is the first year I decided to sit in the chair and have someone who is unbiased help me sort it all out.

👏🏽👐🏽🙌🏽

Thank God I am not where I was and thank him for where I am going. I struggle everyday with my anger. It’s the worst part is that sometimes I am able to hide and sometimes I am not.

💔🖤💲

Everything has a cost. Tonight I lost. My anger and my temper took me out. Words were said that can’t be undone. Sometimes I find that when I loose there is more to learn. I am grateful for this lesson though it was quiet painful.

💫👑✨

Can’t wait for my next therapy appointment to sort my mess out even more.

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