Good morning journey companion,
It’s been such a year for me. I struggled in so many areas. I began therapy for many of the issues I have encountered and I decided to take on the biggest beast of them all while juggling my faith walk, I decided to take on the task of building my own business, while working full-time, raising my ten year old son, and attempting to salvage my marriage. Yes, it’s been a tall order. Often times I found myself balancing them because one always helped me take my mind off of the other.
Well, last week was Thanksgiving and all my sub-worlds collided. Everything seemed to have become one thing… my home life, work life, business life, and personal life all flowed into each other like a tidal wave. I found myself in a sea of emotional sewage and was beginning to loose faith in God.
You see twenty plus years ago I had all these same types of things going. Working full time, had a full time boyfriend, had part time faith in God, and a broken home life. All the makings of the first tidal wave I ever experienced. Fast forward to now… I am experiencing a lot of the same emotional heaviness and displaced faith. I really found myself lost. So I laid in the bed, I cried, I ate, I watched television, and I was grumpy.
Where did my life go wrong? Where did I mess things up so much that I am literally feeling the weight of the world on me. Why haven’t I done because my life is all out of order.
Saturday as I laid in bed, I prayed and I prayed, I needed to know God was hearing me. I needed to know that Iw wasn’t loosing my mind. However, nothing…I heard nothing, felt nothing and saw nothing. Trapped in a cycle of brokenness. I constantly disqualified myself from being able to break free.
Then it happened, I sat in church on Sunday…I was able to let go of some of my pain. I was able to surrender some of the things that held me in satan’s grip. As the pastor preached and the Holy Spirit moved in my heart I realized that I have to believe that what God said is for everyone else is also for me. I had to let go of some fears and step boldly into who God made me. I had to be ok that my story wasn’t what I planned or even what I wanted but God knows what is best. Trusting God means I have to let go of my fears. I have to step out of what I know and believe what I don’t see yet.
My life changed yesterday. My faith increased and I began to have hope in things that I never did before.
Maybe you are out there without hope. I want to tell you that it is a daily choice to look for hope, to believe what God has said to you and about you. I look forward to what December has to bring because I know in it lies God’s promise to me and to my family. It may not look like what I think it should but it will look like what I need it to.
Praying for you and looking forward to next steps.
Love you always,