Day 31

Good morning journey companion,

What a week I have encountered?! Transparency and an authentic walk with God has proven to be as challenging as rewarding.

Like most people I like to mark progress with dates and timelines. Yesterday I became extremely grateful that I serve a God who is not linear. His time line is always right now matter how I feel in the moment.

I sit back and reflect on the events from yesterday – I became emotionally charged up, got offended, cried, and even reverted back to feeling rejected and wanted to isolate myself. The thing about who I am now I see that my feelings are valid, they were worth having but they weren’t worth sticking around.

I called several people as I was having the internal battle with my old self and the new self that is emerging. It was stronger than a tug of war because there was justification for the sadness, there was an what could appear like intentional offense, there was lack of communication and transparently which I need to thrive.

I had some validating conversations, I had some one sided conversations, I some truth with love conversations. I heard God speak to my heart differently in each one. I heard and felt His love for me and desire for me to allow myself the ability to be crushed in areas that He is still growing me and lean on Him.

God required me once again to boldly and courageously step into community and step into His loving arms. I don’t know how God changed me, I can’t put my finger on the time the transformation came in it’s infinite totality but I do know that within three hours of the initial situation I had a peace in my spirit that surpassed my understanding.

I didn’t feel the need to vent, to have a good cry, to let anything linger. I was able to reflect, breath, and let it go. You may not know me but know this – I use to have a black belt in justified offense, hurts and hang ups. I am so glad God stripped me of my title.

I woke up this morning super positive that God’s work in me has out weight the worlds work in me. I breathe in deep and accept that I am not where I thought I would be, sometimes I am not even where I should be, but God has got me where I need to be.

Heavenly Father, king of kings, lord of lords, maker of all things I continue to submit my life to you in totality. I submit my emotions, my thoughts, my actions, my behavior, and everything in between to who You are.

I have never been so grateful for community as I have been the past two weeks of my life. I am grateful that people see me and love me. I am also grateful for those that see me and don’t accept me.

Father God the work You are doing in me I am beyond grateful You chose me. I pray I continue to walk boldly with You humbly accepting the lessons and moments we have to speak about who You want me to be.

Father God as You grow and expand my tribe I pray for my journey companions. I pray that they have relationships that are rich with Your love. I pray they have homes that reflect Your presence. I pray that their marriages are abundant. I pray that their dreams are God dreams and being fulfilled according to Your will.

I pray they have a peace that surpasses anyone’s understanding and brings You glory in and out of any situation. I pray that business flourish, careers grow, but most of all God I pray that You walk with them. I pray they never loose their desire for you in all the highs and lows life brings. I pray for my journey companion to keep knocking, seeking, and asking.

I pray Your supernatural will in the mighty name of Jesus amen.