Day 47

Good morning journey companion,

Yesterday I learned a valuable lesson – it’s one that will forever change my life.

I am grateful my sinful nature is not yours. I am sharing an extremely intimate part of who I am in this moment. This is a difficult message to send.

God highlighted for me that I live in a poverty mindset (which contradicts the abundant lifestyle I thought I believed with my whole heart). Ugh… can you imagine how hard that was for me.

Last night I went on what some would call a shopping spree. I brought lots of things – justifiable purchases but not all that I needed at the same time. I guess it was retail therapy – I usually buy nothing for myself and stuff for everyone else. This time I purchased mostly for myself and some for my family.

I have been blessed with an amazing job almost a year ago which changed my paycheck to paycheck living to having a little financial peace. I know it was God that made this provision for me and I am grateful.

Unfortunately, I didn’t show my gratitude with consistent tithing, or by being a blessing to others on a larger scale. I actually experienced a lot of health and relational issues around the same time that requires me to see doctors on a regular basis. My financial peace quickly got lost in the shuffle of life.

I received an additional payment yesterday for a job I did and literally it burned through my wallet and I kept spending. It was like a instant comfort in my current world of discomfort to spend freely without thought or care.

This morning I sit with buyers remorse. I sit here trying to figure out how to go from this poverty state of spending money as soon as I get it to feeling empowered to save, pay off stuff and even do things that have a lasting impact.

I ask for God’s forgiveness in this area. I feel like an Israelite taken out of Egypt but Egypt is still in me. I remember what it was like to not be able to go in a store and buy anything for a lot of my adulthood. I got stuck in this moment that created a huge learning lesson for me. I need to invite God strongly into my finances not because I need more of it but because I need more obedience and honoring of it.

The Bible says confess your sins to one another. This is my sin, I struggle with money. I don’t worship it, I don’t chase it, or anything like that. But I also don’t respect it as a vessel to get me from point a to be or as the blessing it is that God has given me.

I now realize a part of me spent away a down payment of a dream because of fear if I am completely honest looking back at it. I am not proud that I struggle with this but I am grateful I am in a place in my life that God quickly brought it to my attention and helped me see differently.

My prayer today is not just one of forgiveness but one of gratitude. Father God thank You for showing me my weakness and giving me a chance to surrender it to You.

I pray that as we all deal with our sinful nature we are able to sit at Your feet without shame and guilt. I am humbled that You chose to show me where I am weaker than I thought. God please help me in the area of financial and my mentality around it. Help me not have a poverty mindset. Help me not be focused on my lack and show me where I am abundant.

Father God I pray that as You continue to open our eyes that we are bold enough and courageous enough to take steps out of our Egypt and into our promise land. I pray this and so much more in the mighty name of Jesus. Amen.