the day the monster appeared

I woke up this morning and spent some quiet time with God. I am experiencing some pain in a tooth extraction site that I absolutely thought was going to be healed already. I was praying and asking God ‘what’s going on why am I here’. The more I sat with God the more I got frustrated because He kept bringing to my attention the things I am navigating. The truth is lately I had been experiencing a lot of unfortunate events in the last couple of months. I thought this cancer journey was going to be over by now.

God kept revealing to me how each thing I am experience are things that deeply in my heart I feared. I really didn’t want to come face to face with death on any level (physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually) it seems that I feared death in my heart. Though I knew I would physically survive this journey I didn’t realize I was afraid of fully looking like ‘cancer patient’. it meant I would loose my hair, weight and be sick a lot more than I could imagine.


Just about a year ago from the time of this post I had been 10 days into this diagnosis that changed my life forever. Mind you I was already down about 30 pounds from my original weight, I was in a consistent state of pain, my mobility was lacking and brain fog was an issue for me.

I struggled with God, I didn’t know (maybe even believe) that I could have enough faith to survive the weight of this diagnosis. It wrecked me so bad that I flew home to be with my family. To sit and have serious conversations to navigate how I was going to move forward. I knew this going to take a healthy mind and a strong spiritual foundation because it’s attacking my entire body.

I sat in my sister’s family room for yet another day of utter discomfort. I was battling the THC in my system for the 3rd time that we thought would help with the pain. I wish I could say that it helped but all it did was give access to have a face to face encounter with the devil. This monster showed up vividly and treated to “take all my faith…to kill me from the inside out”. I felt I was being choked from the inside, I was throwing up for hours on end. We would play gospel music, read the Bible and pray and still Satan was lurking in the midst. There were specific words that we would speak that he would violently attach me with sharp pains, squeezed my esophagus and paced back and forth watching how my words didn’t align with the torture he was disseminating. Satan heard strategically as my family and I worshiped our way through this night not terror. The devil was relentless in his efforts to snatch my last breath. I finally said – ENOUGH- I will be going to bed now. He was no match for our praise to God and I survived the night. I woke up with a different type of fire burning inside. I decided that I wasn’t going to be taken out so easily.


I have been fighting for over a year – the strategy changed a bit, but I have been on the battle field.

I guess it’s time to acknowledge the fear in my heart that I haven’t considered. My prayer today is that God continue to heal my unbelief. To heal my doubts, restore my heart and ignite a new fire in my heart.

Published by Krys Grant-Ray

Hello, my name is Krys Grant-Ray and I am a Christian Transformational Life Coach. Yes, that is a mouth full, isn't it? I have used my coaching training and my relationship with God to switch focus from changing a thought or action to true transformation. My focus is helping you find the optimum space for authentic transformation from the inside out. Put a magnifying glass up to the mundane cycle of your life that you sucked out passion while you seek out what you want. Rediscover who you really are and what you were put on this earth to do. Let go of the daily grind we all get stuck in. I continually challenge you to think outside of the box you were taught in. Together we seek a better way to become the best version of who you are. I do this through an 8- step process of shifting focus, investing in what you believe in, building a foundation that supports consistent positive growth. Finally, you will learn how to grow in the restful periods of life and then know when to move on to the next step. This transformational process gets you out of comfort zone and into your thriving zone. It is a wonderful and creative place that you need to visit daily. Together you and I will map out your thoughts in a way that works specifically for you. Let’s open your world to clear and vivid images that you can put into words. From those words you will find authentic self-expression; ultimately discovering your uniqueness and experience geniune truth and beauty.

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