Please light my way

This morning I was struggled getting out of bed with yet another side effect of this chemo going through my body. I search for the joy in my heart because my body is saying something different. The more I search the tears pour down my face. My body is shedding weight, my skin is beginning to hang on my bones yet again. I lost my hair, and my smile is no longer as beautiful as it once was with all the teeth removed.

I realize that my joy was situational. My joy was my guiding point when life was looking hopeful and now it’s bleak and almost invisible. My faith in God is something I find myself fighting for moment to moment. Don’t get me wrong I believe in God, I believe that Jesus came, lived, died, rose again and then ascended to heaven. It just feels like my prayers are invisible in the book of life to God these days. There is a part of the human mind that when you see your body trying to give up it takes everything in you to fight that. God gives me the spiritual awareness to see that I am able to get through this. HOW? The grief is so heavy that joy, hope and faith seem to run away. I cry out and still find myself scrapping the bottom of the barrel of my beliefs. My God what is your plan here? How do you see this playing out? How much more pain, much more loss, how much more dedication? These are my questions my hearts cry.

Father God hear my cries from my heart. Please remove my sinful nature the things that cause me to doubt my worth to you. God please help me with my lack of knowledge of how to get through this and my questions that don’t align with what you want me to be focusing on. God please help me with the grief I am experiencing in these moments. Help me grow into the new person you want me to be as I am dying to self everyday I pray you raise me up to be a reflection of who you are in my life. I breathe my every breath as a testament of your glory my God. Help me rediscover joy in its purest form no matter the situation I face. God I need you more today than ever before please hear my pray in the might name of Jesus I pray amen.

The truth is that life is extremely challenging and no matter where I am on this journey I keep desiring to find God in it. Sometimes it’s harder than others and other times it’s super easy. Today I woke up and listened to Psalm 19 and really just wanted God to speak to me through it and this is what came from my time.

I often ask God where is the sin in my life and where am I falling short. What is keeping my life going in this direction. I can’t say I hear a direct answer but I feel sorrow in my heart for things that I have done, thoughts I have thought and things that I have said and ways I have behaved. I am not worthy of another moment on this earth it’s by God’s grace and mercy that I am able to even write this post. My breakthrough is coming. My healing is here my life is being restored but I have to accept that some things in my life have to die and I have to grieve that process also and it’s not filled with happy unicorns and gumdrops but it has His rainbow promise that He will never leave me. I stand on that. That is where I am.

Thank you for reading. Love you more than the tongue can speak.

Published by Krys Grant-Ray

Hello, my name is Krys Grant-Ray and I am a Christian Transformational Life Coach. Yes, that is a mouth full, isn't it? I have used my coaching training and my relationship with God to switch focus from changing a thought or action to true transformation. My focus is helping you find the optimum space for authentic transformation from the inside out. Put a magnifying glass up to the mundane cycle of your life that you sucked out passion while you seek out what you want. Rediscover who you really are and what you were put on this earth to do. Let go of the daily grind we all get stuck in. I continually challenge you to think outside of the box you were taught in. Together we seek a better way to become the best version of who you are. I do this through an 8- step process of shifting focus, investing in what you believe in, building a foundation that supports consistent positive growth. Finally, you will learn how to grow in the restful periods of life and then know when to move on to the next step. This transformational process gets you out of comfort zone and into your thriving zone. It is a wonderful and creative place that you need to visit daily. Together you and I will map out your thoughts in a way that works specifically for you. Let’s open your world to clear and vivid images that you can put into words. From those words you will find authentic self-expression; ultimately discovering your uniqueness and experience geniune truth and beauty.

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