Wednesday I got another drip and it took me out within 24 hours. It was pretty remarkable. I lost my sense of taste, my ability to stand up and stay awake. My work spun around and around. I smelled like these drugs for days, my mouth was dry and I crawled to the bathroom.
The things no one tells you is that when you are fighting for your life a peace of you actually has to die. The piece that needs to die is the one keeping you from the best version of yourself. For me I have been keeping the crumps of the old Krys around because she reminded me of who I could be and who I was she instill fears to keep me in line. Today I realized that those same crumbs of her that I can’t turn loose are the ones that make it hard for me to thrive it messes up my mental ability to focus God and my emotional dependency. The crumbs tell me tor rely on myself when the newest version of me wants to solely rely on God.
It’s a human struggle more than a cancer one. I have realized this past week that one of the very real things is the spiritual warfare that the Bible talks about.
I struggled because my prayer the week before was God show me clearly where I am missing the mark. Show me where I am struggling to get this cancer out of my body. The reality is that when I was preparing this week for chemo God told me to take communion with my medicine. I was obedient in that…I didn’t really understand why but as I sit here now I realize the power of Jesus’ blood and I can’t even image what the side effects would have been. had I not taken my communion and dedicated my body to God as a living sacrifice.
A dear friend reminded me the power of speaking God’s word over situations and it comes alive in us and through us. The past couple of days I may have smelled and suffered from a chemo drip but I also overcame by the power of Jesus Christ’s blood shed for me. The bible says I don’t have to fight this in my own strength
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit,which is the word of God.
18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. 19 Pray also for me,that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, 20 for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should. Ephesians 6:12-20
until next time pray for me and I will pray for you. God loves you and I love you too.